Tuesday, August 10, 2010


Lately I have been thinking a lot of "What if... "s. I do not really know why, but I have. Like what if I had never gotten the Greencard? Would I still have found a way to come to Texas? What if not. What would I be doing right about now? What would the man do right about now? He really never had a choice or a say in this. I told him I had taken part in the Greencard Lottery and that I had to wait. Next thing I know I got it. I asked him if I could stay with him and he said yes. What if he had said no? Would I still be here, maybe in a different living situation, but would I still be here? What if we had never found each other again? Would I have gone through the whole thing without him and his support? Or would I have stayed in Germany, scared and discouraged? I really do not know. I cannot answer any one of those questions, at least not 100% honest. I really do not think I can. For all I know, I know I was scared. I was scared as I asked the man if I could stay with him, after all ,we were not even officially a couple again. I was scared about the future, still am sometimes. I was scared to lose him, friends, other relationships and contacts. I really do not know what I was thinking as I took the leap back in July 2007 as I signed up for the program. I probably was not thinking. I know I do not regret any of my decisions that I have made since then concerning my life over here in Dallas, TX, USA. I have some awesome co-workers at work. I do not really have too many friends, but I never did, anywhere. I do not go out much on the weekends, but I have always been more of the kind of person that stays home more than going out and party. I have so much more on my mind but that is meant for a whole nother post. ;-) Baby shower on 7-31-2010

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